booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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