you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
