he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
