went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
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he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
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Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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