I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
