4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Randomize
