She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
