I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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