sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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