Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
