good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
