You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
