got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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