tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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