the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
