We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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