evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
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My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
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Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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