i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
and she was petting her beer can
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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