I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
