I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
