Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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