Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
