; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize