If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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