i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
