just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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