Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
