OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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