i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
