Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
