I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
