living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
