Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
