about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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