On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
