that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
