maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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