It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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