We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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