was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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