how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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