The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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