now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
