she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
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The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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