kristin has been a bad kristin
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Everclear isn't food dammit
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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