i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize