Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
