Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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