I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
