Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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