You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
