Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
