I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
