People with herpes should wear stickers.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
