He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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