Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
