there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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