you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
