If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
