Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
