I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Randomize
