She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
pray to the hookup gods
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
