I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
