I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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