he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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