doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
