i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
