One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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