so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
