I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have started to decorate penises.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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