Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
