Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
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WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
ok first of all what the fuck
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize